Friday, December 14, 2012

Rose Petals

(This is a post I started writing a little over a month ago and never finished. I finally got around to writing more of it and I thought I would share it with you)

Friday afternoon.
Had a hard time. Felt like crap, and all empty inside.
So I went for a walk.

As I was walking, I started thinking. But they weren't happy thoughts. It was like, having a voice inside my head, that I know doesn't belong to me, whispering all my insecurities in my ear.

Worthless. Stupid. Ugly. Fat. A failure. Useless. Shit artist. You should just die.

It's hard to ignore yourself.
I angrily snatched a rose from off its bush, and kept walking.

But I heard music. Somebody was practicing. It wasn't piano, or guitar, or any other western instrument. It was a huge, Chinese stringed instrument. (I looked it up, its called a guzheng.)

The musician wasn't old, as I had expected. As I walked past her house, where she was playing in her garage, I saw that she was a teenager. No older than I. And that seemed to make her playing sound even more beautiful.

I wanted to listen more, but I didn't want to seem creepy and stand in the driveway, so I sort of stood behind a hedge. yes, I do know that's still pretty creepy.

I stared at the rose. It was beautiful. It was the colors of a sunset, red at the base that faded into yellow.

You'll never be that beautiful, whispered the little voice. "I'm not ugly..." I whispered and tossed a rose petal to the ground. The voice stayed silent. I tried again.
"I'm not stupid." Still nothing. I threw down another petal.

It made me feel stronger.

I kept going, throwing down the petals, and contradicting my previous statements, until I had changed them all. I felt bold. I tossed a petal in front of me and quietly whispered "I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm talented. I have a purpose."

I threw the rest of the rose to the ground and ran all the way to the coffee shop without looking back.


  1. You are beautiful, smart, talented, full of purpose, fit, fun, a wonderful artist (I wish I had your talent), and the best friend I know. You are all of that and more.