Rose Petals

(This is a post I started writing a little over a month ago and never finished. I finally got around to writing more of it and I thought I would share it with you)

Friday afternoon.
Had a hard time. Felt like crap, and all empty inside.
So I went for a walk.

As I was walking, I started thinking. But they weren't happy thoughts. It was like, having a voice inside my head, that I know doesn't belong to me, whispering all my insecurities in my ear.

Worthless. Stupid. Ugly. Fat. A failure. Useless. Shit artist. You should just die.

It's hard to ignore yourself.
I angrily snatched a rose from off its bush, and kept walking.

But I heard music. Somebody was practicing. It wasn't piano, or guitar, or any other western instrument. It was a huge, Chinese stringed instrument. (I looked it up, its called a guzheng.)

The musician wasn't old, as I had expected. As I walked past her house, where she was playing in her garage, I saw that she was a teenager. No older than I. And that seemed to make her playing sound even more beautiful.

I wanted to listen more, but I didn't want to seem creepy and stand in the driveway, so I sort of stood behind a hedge. yes, I do know that's still pretty creepy.

I stared at the rose. It was beautiful. It was the colors of a sunset, red at the base that faded into yellow.

You'll never be that beautiful, whispered the little voice. "I'm not ugly..." I whispered and tossed a rose petal to the ground. The voice stayed silent. I tried again.
"I'm not stupid." Still nothing. I threw down another petal.

It made me feel stronger.

I kept going, throwing down the petals, and contradicting my previous statements, until I had changed them all. I felt bold. I tossed a petal in front of me and quietly whispered "I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm talented. I have a purpose."

I threw the rest of the rose to the ground and ran all the way to the coffee shop without looking back.